Sick and Tired

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So tomorrow is my second series of injections and I am not too excited about it to say the least. My knees have been killing me these past few days and I can honestly say with no difference since before. Once again, I am quick to declare my lack of faith in this latest attempt of pain-free living. I was told not to expect any real results for six to eight weeks after the first injection; proof right there that I am in no position to make a conclusion on this procedure. But I was also told about how so many people, most specificlly my mother, find INSTANT relief from the first injection.

I am just so sick and tired of being the excuse. Nope... can't do that, it's too much for poor ole Corbo. I can't exercise my knees and legs because it hurts too much and I can't get better without the exercising. I feel like I am the constant outlet of pity and sympathy. But I don't want pity. I don't care if the pain is too much, it forces me to spite those negative feelings at my own expense. 

I think back to the days that I would bitch and moan about my knees and even use that bullshit pity to my advantage. But I could run, play frisbee, jump, WALK! Part of me feels like I liked the attention. But now I am past the point of a real fix. I can get this fake crap injected into my broken-ness or I can get major surgery that has no promises of improving anything! Wow, what a great place to be! And if I get the surgery, then what? A couple months of recovery mixed with more physical therapy just so I can be alone all day long. Now I know you're jealous! Suckers! I don't go out with friends as it is, how is that possibly going to improve in a wheelchair or on crutches? I guess I'll have to cancel my pole dancing lessons too. 

I see now that of all things to inherit from my father, I have gotten his stubborness and neglect of personal well-being. I will never stop myself from living how I want because of this injury but will IT stop me?