Untitled

- Crash Test Dummies     [click to listen]

It's dark out.  I can barely see the road if not for the blinding lights of the oncoming cars.  Tired and sluggish I sink into my seat.  Where is this journey taking me?  I don't know what is in store for me at the next exit let alone the next mile, but we keep moving.  The rain gets louder as the echoing pierces through my headphones and drowns out my iPod.  Not that I was really listening to it anyway.  Too many thoughts in my head.  The fire in my throat worsens.  Slow down; is this my exit? Nope.  Keep going.  Where am I?  The driving conditions are getting worse.  The rain seems to fall from every direction.  Soccer moms and douche-bag dads fly in and out of their lanes without a care in the world.  Are they that foolish or am I for being so judgmental?  My headache tags in, out steps my throat for a few rounds.  I cannot keep a single thought.

The brakes are pushed to the floor.  It's too late now; out of control and into the center divider.  Flames shoot out from the sparks created by metal and concrete becoming one.  No airbags...No seatbelts...This is out of my hands now.  Can I regain control and keep on my journey or must I pull over and stop for a while?

Maybe I can find a detour.

Why Part 2

-Collective Soul [click to listen]

No pit stops tonight. No time.

To continue my train of thought from the other night; where is my life leading me? I am not one that believes in fate or destiny. All I know for sure is what is currently happening to me. And even that is not always clear. I have this feeling of entitlement that is completely unfounded. I feel like I deserve to find my dream job and make the salary that I desire. But that is obviously not the case. I cannot progress at work due to the hypocrites that surround me and I will not be able to be happy again until I can make this fundamental change. There is no greater depressing moment then sitting on this bus emotionally raped by the place that holds my future by a tiny thread.

Is it morbid to think of my end of days? Not in terms of ending my own life but just the details of events that transpire from that last breath on. Who will know? Who will really be effected and who will shrug my passing off with a pseudo-sympathetic sigh. Ever since I was little I tried to envision my funeral to see who showed up. I'll tell you this. The turn out was not more than a handful. Of course with time I have met more people and the world I know is exponentially larger. But what about that magic number? Have I really done anything in my preceding years to alter the number of chairs?

A less somber scenario that will forever cycle through my head is when I will inevitably make a trip to the hospital; for a surgery or some other reason. I can probably name the people who would send a card vs. Those who would show up. I feel like this is a level of insincerity on my part that I should really take a closer look at. Maybe their are people closer to me than I think. Am I just that closed minded to the possibility that people like me and that I am more than just that guy from school, work etc. My problem is that whenever I feel close to a friend, I realize that the "friendship" is more of an one sided acquaintance.

But whatever the path I am limping down is... I am ready for it.

One Step Closer

-Linkin Park [click to listen]

It is time for a pitstop. Get out and stretch. Throw out your trash that has been building up at your feet and do us all a favor and take use of the restroom. I am not pulling over to let you pee on the side of the road like last time. That police officer was not too happy with us.

Feel better? Good. Me too. Now strap in and let's get back to it. With luck we will be there by morning.

Have you ever stopped to think about your life? Where you've come from. Where you are going. This is the hurdle I just cannot seem to clear. There is so much to my past that I just do not know and worse yet, so much of my future that I am too afraid to know. This past Friday, my parents returned from their vacation to Italy. Yeah, I know. I'm jealous too. While traveling the Boot land, they visited the small town where my grandmother (on my father's side) was born. Would you believe it that they found her old house?! My parents had visited to town hall and learned so much information about my grandmother that no one ever knew...including her! We have now learned that her full name was Romilda Rosina Maria Ferruzzi. To be able to uncover such amazing information is too hard for me to process. With a little more research, my parents were able to trace back to my great great great grandparents. This is a part of my family I've never even knew existed. To add a further level to this tower of information, my parents were informed that he still has a living relative in town: my dad's third cousin who they met up with and were invited into her home. The same house that my grandmother was born in; never remodeled or painted. The very same as it was in 1851 when it was built. So overwhelming.

So with this information, I can now apparently apply for dual citizenship! Which probably would have helped when I was trying to get a job in the U.K.

So now I have this new found inquisitive nature to reconnect with my family and my past but have no idea where or how to start.

**UPDATE**

Just a minor tweak to the posts. I will be (hopefully) posting a link to listen to the song that I have chosen for my post headline. So far I was only unable to find one. But feel free to visit old posts to partake in the audible goodness you may be unfamiliar with. 

Now...back to our journey.

I Wanna Go Home

-Michael Buble     [click to listen]

So I am hyped up on caffiene after consuming 3x the amount of coffee I usually have. Not to mention the three delicious cupcakes that Tess made. So I leave work with a nice buzz and after a pretty good day looking forward to meeting up with some friends and of course, My Sasha, at home.

So right outside of my building is an entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel and the traffic sucks. No big deal, it's pretty typical. Once I get to the Port Authority I'm sure it will be fine. So I'm walking down 9th Ave. and I am noticing that the next entrance to the tunnel is closed off. Hmmm. Traffic is that bad that they closed the entrance? So I keep going when I realize that there is a police officer at every intersection I cross. So I finally ask one if there is a problem with the tunnel. "Bomb scare or something. Shut down." Okay...First off bomb scare said so nonchalantly. No big deal. JUST a bomb. But that isn't the part that really confused me. "Or something?" Really? I would assume there would be a different procedure for a bomb scare than, I don't know, a pigeon in the road.

I keep going and walk into the Port and I have no ideas on how I'm getting home. I'm 2 steps in the door when I hear that NJ Transit is honoring bus tickets for the train. THE TRAIN!! Son of a Bitch! I now decide it is in my best interest to take the train which means I need to walk the 12 blocks back to where I just came from. Boy am I glad I don't have my cane today!

So I get to Penn Station and it is a mad house. Thousands of bus riders apparently had the same stroke of genius. It takes me a couple minutes but I get to the ticket machines. As soon as I get online, this random girl 25ish grabs my arm. "Mike right?" Ummmmm Yeah. "You know Mike Kaplan right?" Ummmm No. "You're from Suffern though right?" Yeah. "Yeah I thought I recognized you! How are you getting home?" Creepy!! So I rmexplain the whole train thing and she learns that since she has a NJT bus ticket, she doesn't have to wait on line and runs off.

So I get my ticket and get to the train to Secaucus and that is where I now sit. Waiting for the 7:55 to Suffern. Hopefully I do not encounter any more B.S. And I can get home so we can go out! ::sigh:: Sure us a good thing I don't have to pee......DAMNIT!!

Youth Gone Wild

-Skid Row     [click to listen]

A tiny disclaimer to make me feel better.  This is Safe for work...BUT it really pushes the line.  Either way, sit back and enjoy the jaw dropping that will commence.